by Karen K. Lemke
Have you ever received feedback that knocked you down? You know, those “helpful” assessments and reviews and 360-degree tools that we’re supposed to appreciate? Well, if you’re like me, you haven’t always been grateful for those “gifts” of feedback. In fact, you may have really struggled to get back up again, and carry on. If so, you’re not alone!
Get Back Up
I experienced my first real knock-out punch from feedback 30 years ago, in a very public forum. It was devastating. And it was so hard to recover emotionally, and to face all those “helpful” people who were well-intentioned but not so skilled in the delivery of their feedback. And for the next 25 years, I engaged in my own private battle with feedback. As an HR executive, I knew the logic behind feedback. I understood all the reasons it’s good for us to know how we’re perceived, and to pursue the continuous improvement of ourselves and how we “show up” for others. It can make us more effective, more influential, more credible, more powerful. In my head, I get it. But in my heart, well, that’s a different story. I couldn’t help the feelings of shock, sorrow and anger. I even had fantasies about revenge, from time to time. (You know, like the karma effect of someone receiving the same kind of hurtful feedback they just served you?) And what I have learned is: Where my heart goes, my head follows. So all my rational thoughts about feedback tend to be lost amidst the overwhelming emotions. Does that ever happen to you?
Maybe so. About five years ago, when I started coaching others, I was surprised to see so many people struggle with feedback, just like I do. (And all this time, I thought it was just me!) Especially if you’re a perfectionist or a highly sensitive person, feedback can be a big challenge. I sat with people, especially when reviewing their 360s, and watched their hands shake. I could tell their mouths were dry and their foreheads were wet with sweat. Their eyes were darting around, perhaps looking for an easy exit and a place to run. Their breathing was shallow and their hearts were pounding. And I knew exactly how they felt! I have felt the same way, too… many times. And that’s when I decided I had to do something to help these people!
So I researched how our brains work and how to process information more effectively; I observed many people in coaching meetings and sought their feedback; and I did quite a bit of soul-searching. Why, really, is this so difficult? What, really, are people feeling? How can we change how we think about this? And most importantly, how can we get through this process with a positive result? That’s a tall order when you feel like a deer in headlights who just wants to run away. But now, there’s hope, and help.
Make It Happen – Women’s Leadership Conference
At the Women’s Leadership Conference on October 7th, I’m honored to be sharing my tested-and-proven program for handling feedback. We’ll talk about our typical, emotional responses to feedback. We’ll gain different perspectives about our “dark side” behaviors, and learn how to keep them in check. We’ll review four specific steps we can take to process the feedback, and develop an action plan that’s actually impactful, achievable and inspiring. And we’ll have some fun, along the way!
Maybe, in the past, you’ve felt like feedback has chiseled away at your sense of self. Maybe you’ve been knocked down by it and struggled to get back up again. Maybe you’ve lost your head and heart in the process. But not anymore! Join us on October 7th at the KI Center (or virtually) to reclaim your personal power, and become even MORE of the amazing, strong, influential person and leader you already are. Let’s make it happen together!
© Copyright 2021 Lemke Leadership, Inc.