By Karen K. Lemke
Forgiveness is a process. It’s not the one-and-done “I forgive and I forget” event. I wish it were that easy! Instead, it’s the repetitive “I forgive and I forgive and I forgive,” over and over again, as each new opportunity arises to heal, to learn and to grow.
And it’s that time, again. Things are coming up as haunting memories presenting unanswered conundrums: How could someone do that? How could someone say that? Why didn’t I learn faster? Why didn’t I choose a better response? Why can’t I just get over it?
And when that pain creeps into my head and heart, I know it’s time to begin the process of forgiveness once again. I have already forgiven so many times… And now I need to (choose to) forgive again.
In recent months, I’ve developed four steps that facilitate my forgiveness. I use the acronym HEAL, which makes it easier to remember the steps. I repeat the process every time painful thoughts and feelings arise, and it really does bring me a sense of control, of grounding, of healing. And that brings me peace and optimism. I hope it provides the same ease and healing for you.
H = Honor the experience(s) and those involved. Honor the terrific, the traumatic and everything in between… and honor the belief that you CAN heal from them. Each experience can bring learning, clarity and opportunity to build a life of true joy (even if it takes a lot of work along the way). These things have happened. And know that they do not have to define you. Instead, they can shape you in the direction(s) YOU choose. If you were to perceive the experiences as clay in your hands, what would you create with that clay? Let your vision of new, beautiful perspectives, feelings and future outcomes strengthen your struggling heart.
E = Eliminate blame and shame. No one needs to be shackled by these harsh, insidious destroyers. Release the blame and shame from yourself, and ultimately from what you’ve imposed upon others, too. How else could you feel? What else could be true? Find liberation each day by repeating the mantra frequently: I love me and I forgive you. Let this mantra soften your tormented heart.
A = Affirm the light and love that reside inside you, as eternal gifts from the Divine within. The light and love are ever present, ever encouraging, ever renewing, ever healing. Recognize them; feel them; honor them; and nurture their life-giving energies. Picture them flowing through your entire body, and then expanding outside of you, too. Picture the golden, shimmering energy surrounding you, filling you, and emitting from you. Let that light and love soothe your healing heart.
L = Live. Right here, right now, moment by moment by moment. Be present. Be peaceful. Be easy on yourself and on others. Look for the grace and the beauty and the opportunity to enjoy THIS moment. Stay focused on the power of this present, joyful NOW. Pay attention, pause and soak it in with gratitude. Let it breathe life and inspiration into your hopeful heart.
This holiday season, I’m using the HEAL process to remind me how I can think, and what I can do, to forgive once again. It would be a gift to share that forgiveness and healing with others. And more importantly, it’s the best gift we can each give to ourselves.
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