Guidelines for Giving Feedback


By Karen K. Lemke

  1. Have the recipient’s best interests at heart.
  2. Remember, this is “soul work.”  You are taking into your hands the essence of another person.  Treat it with respect and dignity.  Put on your kid gloves.
  3. Exercise a coaching philosophy.  Don’t exert power.
  4. Practice compassion:  Imagine YOU are the recipient of these comments.  How would you like to receive the feedback?  Or imagine your friend or your child is the recipient.  Speak/Write as though you are talking to them.
  5. Know your audience:  Toothpick or 2×4; when in doubt, assume toothpick.
  6. Be sure of the facts.  Speak from your personal experience, not what you’ve heard from others.
  7. Make sure your feedback is focused on important behaviors. (Don’t share chickenshit comments; no personal attacks; no nit picking.)
  8. Think of your comments as en-couraging or dis-couraging.  Choose your words carefully.
  9. Ask for what you want.  Do say Do. Don’t say Don’t.
  10. Write what you would be willing to sign your name to.  Then sign it.

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